Funny Valentine
by Sion0083
Summary: What happens when Selphie is too ecstatic for her own good, Irvine is vengeful, Seifer is mistaken for a drag queen, Squall is paranoid, Zell is...well Zell, Rinoa is armed and dangerous and it's Valentines Day? Read to find out!


**Funny Valentine **

**By: Sion0083 **

I do not own ff8 or its characters. But I do own a pair of socks... And i'm not sharing them!

Chapter 1

"Happy Valentines Day Everyone!" Cried a very estatic Selphie Tilmitt as she ran down the halls of Balamb Garden throwing pink and red paper hearts at everyone she saw. Selphie loves Valentines Day...

"Here's one for you, and you, and...hey! You over there with the big nose! Here's one for you too!" She threw a pink heart at a very embarrased SeeD who walked away covering his fat honker.

"And one for you and one for...Hey!"

"Hey darlin' Happ-OW!" Irvine Kinneas said, as he recolied away from Selphie. She had socked him in the eye with her elbow.

"Back away from me you Demon of the Night! Oh! Irvy! I'm soooooooo sorry! You okay?" She walked over to where Irvine had fallen on the floor covering his right eye.

"You know you can't sneak up on me like that Irvy, not ever since those ninjas..."

Irvine grimaced, "sorry. I was just going to ask you if you wanted to be my Valentine for Valentines Day."

Selphie blushed and let out a little shriek, "oh Irvy, I'd loved to but I'm already going with someone else, so sorry!"

Irvine's eyes widened in horror and he felt anger heating inside his chest. How dare she...

"Who is it?" Irvine said in a low voice filled with malice and evil.

"Um, it's like, this guy I met at the mall. He's cute and I'm going with him so, like...screw you Irvy-Poo! Bye!" She threw a red heart at him and skipped away singing a song. About love...and stuff...

"Damn guy," Irvine grumbled as he got up and started toward the cafeteria, "he will pay... with three-hundred gil! Mu-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Squall Leonhart sat at his cluttered desk hunched over a teddy bear. Squall likes teddy bears...but no one but him knows that. Well the people that read this fic know that too but...you know...

He stroked the toy's head lovingly, "Oh Mr. Fuzz-Fuzz if only my head wasn't so big, then I'd be sexy! Everyone one makes fun of me and it's mean!" Mr. Fuzz-Fuzz stared at him blankly.

"Well I don't HEAR them make fun of me...but trust me...I know...I always know...becasue I can see dead people!" Just then Rinoa Heartilly burst into the room carrying Squall's gublade, which was wrapped in black paper.

Squall swung around and shoved Mr. Fuzz-Fuzz in his desk drawer. "What is it?" Squall said reverting back into his usual somber self.

Rinoa blushed and flashed him a big smile. A big, big smile. "Happy Birthday Squally!" she cried as she threw the gift at him. "I know you always wanted one!"

Squall stared at the gunblade and then at Rinoa in confusion, "But I already have a gunblade Rinoa. And it's not my birthday."

Her eyes expanded and tears started welling in her eyes, "How...but..." then she squinted at him. Evilly!

"How did you get a gunblade Mr. Leonhart? Tell meeeeeeeeeeee!" she jumped onto him and took out a shotgun and pointed it at his throat. A shotgun she stole from Irvine's closet. She's a bad girl...

"Tell me Squall or you sleep forever!"

Squall screamed and covered his eyes, "I brought it when I was thirteen okay! Just put the gun down!"

Rinoa dropped the gun and got off of him, "Fine. I guess I believe you. Anyway you're going to be my Valentine on Valentines Day and were going to go out to dinner and eat chocolate and drink wine, and get drunk. AND you're going to buy me whatever I want too!" She walked over to the door, "So be ready tonight at eight bitch!" And she slammed the door.

Squall blinked and raised his eyebrow.

"But it's not even Valentines Day."

Irvine was standing outside the main entrance with a water balloon under his long overcoat, waiting for some cadets to return from a mission. Irvine likes water balloons...

And he was saving it for a certain SeeD too...

The car that was used the time Squall, Zell and Seifer went onto the SeeD exam in the begnning of disc one. You know the one. Pulled up and several guys got out. One of them was Seifer. Dressed in a hot pink dress. Seifer likes dresses...but he's not gay. He's just a punk.

"Wassup Kinneas? I'm asking Quistis to be my Valentine. Who are you asking?"

"There he is! The fiend!" Irvine screamed as he lunged the water ballon at Cid. Cid fell back and broke his spinal cord.

"Oh god!" He screamed, "I'm going to die!" And he died.

"What the hell did you do that for?" Seifer shouted.

"He's the SeeD Selphie's going out with. Trust me I know!"

"No he's not," Selphie said as she rode past in a pink clown's car with a bunch of clowns. Who looked very drunk. "Screw you Irvy! I love you!" She rode away.

"My search continues," Irvine declared, "When I find the guy he will pay...three-hundred gil...and die!" Irvine sprouted white wings from his back and flew away. I know. Weird.

Seifer stared after him and shrugged, "I wonder if Quistis has any pink lipstick to go with this dress?"

Quistis Trepe sat in the library reading a novel about chickens and swimsuits. Quistis likes chickens...Seifer came over smirking and sat down next to her.

"Hey Quisty, you're going to be my Valentine alright?"

She turned and smiled, "Sure Seifer, I-" she froze when she saw his makeup splattered face, "who are you?" she said slowly.

"Quisty it's me Seifer, you know the guy that gave Squall the scar and became Edea's knight. You know THAT guy? Hey...wait I am a guy!" He cried as her face lit up in suprise.

Quistis sprang up and pointed a finger at Seifer, "I knew you were a drag queen! I'm going out with Zell." She walked away, "Fagit..." she muttered.

"Damn," Seifer grumbled, "guess i'll have to go with that library girl."

"Oh no your not," Zell said as he jumped over a bookshelf...that was ten feet high, "she's my Valentine and she's not gay either!"

"I'M NOT GAY!" Seifer screamed he punched Zell in the nose and then ran away crying. "I'm not gay. I'm just a pretty, pretty man!"

"Loser," Zell said putting a forearm to his bleeding nose, "besides today is not even Valentines Day."

A/N: well there you go! It's my first fic so be kind when reviewing pleez! Flamers will be shot down by Renzokuken! Heh-shawwwww!


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